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Name: Sabina Tang

Age: Probably less than you think

Hometown: Montreal, Canada, where it snows in April, 16-yr-olds barhop and big bookstores carry manga in French

Occupation: Computer science, intermediate Japanese, web maintenance

Indulgences: Obscure novels, fics written and read, mp3s, sleeping at odd hours of the day, mooching food off friends

Horoscope: Pisces ascendant Venus + Caged Rooster = nasty chimera-type critter

Fave anime series: Shoujo Kakumei Utena, Cowboy Bebop, Rurouni Kenshin, Slayers, Berserk, Gundam Wing, Card Captor Sakura, CLAMP Gakuen Tanteidan

Fave anime movies: Perfect Blue, Ghost in the Shell, Endless Waltz, Yuu Yuu Hakusho #2, shin Vampire Hunter D (mita mita! ^_^)

Fave mangas: Angel Sanctuary, Blade of the Immortal, Fushigi Yuugi, Slam Dunk, Zetsuai

Last watched: Five Star Stories movie, Slayers Try, Adolescence of Utena movie

Fave Japanese pop: Guniw Tools, Utada Hikaru, Gackt, Fantastic Plastic Machine, anything involving Yoko Kanno or Nobuo Uematsu or Tetsuya Komuro

Fave NA pop: Bran Van 3000, Garbage, Cibo Matto, The Tea Party, Melissa Etheridge

Fave Chinese pop: Sammi Cheng, Gigi Leung, Faye Wong

Currently listening: The second of the FFIX soundtracks my sister made up for herself (the one with all the Kuja music on't ^^;). It's all variations on the same tune really (a minor-key piano fugue not unlike Vincent's character theme), but I had to listen to all the pieces one after the other to realize that. Tin ear.

Return to: Nikutai no Yume

Nikutai no Yume Weblogger

Wednesday, February 14, 2001
06:17 p.m.

Happy Valentine's

Otherwise known as Pink Day. Mou. Valentine's falls at an utterly wrong time of year if you ask me - bouquets freeze solid in Canadian-February weather. I'm nursing a rather bad cold, and two assignments and a midterm tomorrow, but I haven't written for two weeks and thought I should drop a note. Ah vell - at least study break's coming up. There'll be a party or two, and my birthday. All I Want Is Another Set of Earphones, because all mine are busted.

Just watched the Adolescence of Utena movie. Two words: Apocalyptic Carwash... Wish I'd tried to find a script instead of winging it by ear. Not that that'd have made it less weird. Way too much Shiori proportionally... not enough Nanami... Anthy is amazingly pro-active. Much more lesbian action than I expected. "What happened to my keys?!" ^_^

Someone on Shioul posted a link to Jeanne's FTP directory - that just doubled the quantity of known JohnsonFic right there - lor' but I hate fast writers. :P Recommendations are dark-chocolate-and-almond pocky and "Death In The Andes," by Mario Vargas Llosa. Nice narrative technique there, not that I'd recommend trying it at home.

Wednesday, January 31, 2001
03:13 p.m.

Fics and digressions

I'm *supposed* to be in Japanese class / writing a C program on signal handlers / printing out c.v.s for the job fair, *but* it seems it's Fave Fic Authors' Update Week. So no points for guessing what Sabina's really doing. I'd thought torch was taking a break from writing, but it seems she was actually writing nine Gundam Wing stories in a row so she could post them all at once ^^;; - one really long gen fic (Sabina: "A depressing Trowa story! Yay!") and a bunch of yaoi fics of the gen fic. *pauses to consider this novel and interesting concept* Anyhoo... There's a precision to the language in this cycle of stories I quite like, not enough to be crystalline-dry like some of Firecat's, but evocative without fanciness. Angst not as free-style as Team Bonet's.

[digression] I spent some time over the past week going through Team Bonet's Weissfics, one or two at a time because I can't handle any more at a sitting. Sometime during that I realized that the way 'angst' is used in fanfic-keywording is, strictly speaking, wrong. :P 'Angst' doesn't mean 'sad' or 'depressing', or even 'internal brooding over sad/depressing matters'. Angst is diffuse, free-floating, a philosophy pacing the spaces between words, a color in the shadows cast by Munsch's figures. It is a sensation of displacement, of vacancy and cold abstraction. It is - and I am not using German words because of my recent Weissfandomness but because all the past masters in this field were German - a gestalt. And it is very human.

Team Bonet, who are hispanic American but seem to listen to German punk rock, are also past masters at angst. It drips off the computer screen while their pages load. No one has to get raped or murdered to angst; Omi doing homework while listening to Namie Amuro is angst. I'm not sure that WK is entirely the best series to pull this hat-trick on, but it works well enough there - and for GW too, and the Bebop stories are a wonderful thing. And I have yet to come across a hat-trick that works better in Utena, which is too full of diableries itself for any fic author to grasp. [/digression]

Soshite... Rochelle Burns updated on "Thin Lines" - like 10k worth, hell I'll take what I can get - and Jean D. on "Dysfunctional", ditto. Well. Longer than 10k. But I do believe the chapters are getting shorter, and prolly harder for her to write too, if I have any understanding of how "evolution" works in ficcing. :P [digression 2] I really should color that damned picture. But that would mean shrinking it in Photoshop to print, and all sorts of unwieldy stuff. Incidentally I did more WK fanart - you know what these are, they're what obviously unwritable fic inspirations turn into - of Tot and Nagi and Omi. I am fond of Tot, and it's difficult to explain why. (*quotes Luriko-Ysabeth* "Magenta. She survives.") But here is the truth: the character I draw most in Weiss is Aya-chan. ^^; [/digression 2]

What else after that? Oh, Talya Firedancer's HP is mostly back up now, which means simply that it's no longer a morass of confusing links to Kuwabara no Miko's page. ^^; I wanted to take a pitchfork to her for that last AyaxYouji, though, the more so because I saw it coming. [digression 3] Tan-chan insists I remind her of Crawford. o_o Whom she wants to marry. O_O Oro... I can still say Oro... I bet Crawford would never say Oro. [/digression 3] llamajoy-tenshi-no-korin (it should really be one word) have once again gone off into video games I haven't played. I'll have to borrow them from Wasim-from-Japanese-class, who owns about two dozen RPGs he hasn't finished and is still buying more. [digression 4] I should send llama-tenshi an anonymous e-mail to tell them about Kuja, who is - now that I'm further into FF9 - literally the _gayest_ v.g. villain of all time, my god. I don't even mind the harem clothing after the initial shock, but the posing and hand gestures get me. @_@ I am *honestly* curious as to what the Japanese fandom is going to do. My god - seme or uke?! ^^; [/digression 4]

Actually, I think that's it. :P Maybe I'll jump the trend and post my story later today. *Only* on my site. First! Draft! First! Draft! T_T The problem with writing straight from the id is that my intellect feels so *used* afterwards... I keep on trying to fix it but I fear it may be beyond fixing. And I don't know what to do about the *other* one. Horrible feeling I'm going to be stuck putting it together bit by bit for the next six months à la 'Dawn', while there's three pages to go in the 7th chapter of 'tLoN' and five in the next chapter of 'Demi' - not including the big Heero/Duo scene that was written eons ago and I just have to bridge to for the good of fankind. Would have done it already if it weren't for plot. >_< Kick me if I ever try to write anything with plot in it again, will you? I should learn to save it for the gen fics. There are lots of gen fics I want to write, some of them quite imperatively - the FF8 one about Julia, for instance, and the utterly impossible Nagi/Tot one, and the RK/YYH x-over - but somehow the yaoi ones are eating all my time.

...

And I *still* have the sodding C program to write!!! ;_;

Thursday, January 25, 2001
01:43 a.m.

Redheads And Other Insanities

Tenshi no Korin's fic "Ebony Door" ( http://www.geocities.com/bishonenink/misc/ebony.htm if you haven't read it) is the basis of an Evil Yaoi Parlour Game (tm) in these parts, sort of like 'Faunlet?' or 'Seiyuu Incest'. :P Tan-chan and I were playing it over Chinese buffet lunch the other day, with redheads. It turns out that redheads are rare. Weiss Kreuz is the only show we could think of that contained two (Aya and Schuldich). Forget the long-hair clause; we couldn't even agree on the last one - I wanted Reno but Tan-chan doesn't play RPGs, and she sorta wanted Kash from Gowkaizer but that's just freakin' obscure, and of course there's Kain Blueriver but ehhhnnh... Incidentally what they say about redheads is right. If Tenshi's a-gonna be writing something like this, methinks the dynamics would be a tad different.

(Sabina: Well all right, so we got... ...

Tania: ...You wouldn't even need to get them drunk.

Sabina: Lock the door, maybe.

Tania: Not even.

Sabina: Either that or they'd start talking shop.

Tania: Katanas?

Sabina: Roses. Man, can you imagine Schuldich messing around in Battousai's head? o_o

Tania: Hey, we can reuse Kurama for the white-haired game!)

FYI: 'Faunlet?' runs off of Nabokov's "Lolita," wherein Humbert states that only Special Little Girls get to be nymphets. What's not so well known is that Nabokov also scribbled quite a bit on faunlets, in "Pale Fire" and "Ada". (All the cool books, you never get to read in class.) So the question is, which Little Boys are Special? (General guidelines - Koganei is, Yahiko isn't.)

'Seiyuu Incest' is as defined on AMLA, i.e. cross-over slash characters played by the same v.a. and see what you get. (Hotohori x Touga? Shinobu x Duo? Schuldich x Zelgadis - no, it's all right, I'll stop. Sorry about the brain damage. ^^;)

Wednesday, January 24, 2001
12:28 a.m.

*Snarls*

I've figured out what went wrong with the formatting of my archive page, but now it's too late to fix it. >_< I have to start applying for summer jobs - don't wanna, as a result of terminal insecurity re my own capabilities, but have to. I've also an Algorithm Proving assignment due on Thursday that hinges on the download of a .gz file from some Aussie U.'s server that ftps at geo-glacial speed and doesn't unzip anyway because it's too big for my quota space. To top it off, I write "method" - and Schuldich does not handle these kind of situations with grace. Maybe I should switch and write a chapter from Crawford's POV or something. ^^;

(To be totally honest, the chronology as it is stands as two separate stories: "The Berchtesgaden Debriefing" and "Velocity Over Time". I can't call them chapters, because they're written in utterly different styles. TBD is the more interesting from a writerly POV, but I think VOT is more fun. :P)

Thursday, January 18, 2001
05:57 p.m.

Desktop Rec

I have just about died and gone to bishounen wallpaper heaven. The site in question is called Artistic Stuff:

http://members.spree.com/thearts/reinselft/wp/index.html

Apart from 1024 x 798 versions (YES!!!), it features one of the most attractive and innovative layouts I've seen in a long time. A pop-up that actually works without being annoying - who would've thought? ^^;

(In case of wondering, the readable part of my fic is in beta. I am... still writing it. *blinks and checks own forehead for fever* I think the whole Schwartz ESP powers angle plugged into some disused penchant in me. The X-Files fic I never wrote, perhaps, because when I was into the X-Files I wasn't a fanfic writer and didn't see my way to becoming one. Or the parapsychology studies I read when I was twelve. I don't know how otherwise to explain the two hours I spent today happily making up case studies and medical documentation for 'precocious invasive telepathy' and 'tactical precognition' and 'optico-manisfestational psychokinesis'. ^^; Yes, Erin, this is why I was not in Operating Systems today. Bad Sabina no mod chip.)

Saturday, January 13, 2001
11:50 p.m.

Twelve pages! ^_^

Over less than a month. Not a record, but something close. Now I have to edit this story to something *approaching* reasonable. The structure is so suspect that it will probably never be entirely comprehensible, but never mind. Read it for the sex or something.

Was a fun exercise, though. Slip the leash on the writerly id and what does one get? Murder, rape and hurt/comfort up the wazoo - that is to say I made my fave character walk home along the highway in the *snow* in his dress shoes, and if you're Canadian it doesn't get much lower than that.

(And if you're wondering what I've been drinking... hot sake, actually, which is one of the better inventions the Japanese fostered on the world - right after green tea flavored marshmallows. Homemade Sushi Night with my buddies.)

Wednesday, January 10, 2001
02:16 a.m.

Kuja!

My sister had five days more vacation than I did, so she beat FF9 before me, damned child. I'm laughing, though. You see that entry heading? Know who that is? That's the evil silver-haired bishounen in Final Fantasy *IX*, folks, the one they didn't tell you about. The one who isn't even on any of the merchandise, instead of the way Sephiroth got splashed all over the CD packaging. The one, if you're good, you won't even see until the end of Disc 1 - accompanied by the most Badassed Personal Theme Uematsu-sensei could muster. I don't know where Them at Square thought they were going with this. "Look, we're going to go back to the superdeformed pixies we had through the first games, complete with bodiless Black Mages, and half your party characters will be these cute Richard Scarry types. Absolutely no possibility for yaoi. Oh and by the way, the main villain is an escapee from a Key fanfic."

Hel-LO? Earth calling Yoshitaka Amano? @_@

I mean, even if Kuja were *just* an evil bishounen. But he's not. He doesn't even look insanely menacing like Sephie. What he does look like is a mind-bogglingly underdressed version of Arislan. You know how in anime someone can be both in full ceremonial armor and naked? Yeah, like *that*. It's as if they're actively trying to give djkas heart syncopations. Shinra doesn't even come close to Square in the evil-corporation sweepstakes, I tell you. _Ishida Akira_'s seiyuuing the main character in FF10, doesn't that tell you something right away? :P

Wednesday, January 3, 2001
12:32 a.m.

Nabokovian Poerotica

*Laughs* This is off "Novel and Censorship, or Eros' Bad Faith" by Maurice Couturier: the beginning of chapter 5 which is a discussion of "Lolita" and "Ada"... the opening paragraphs tickled me so much I'm reproducing them here. Lord, all you yaoi writers, I dare you to to deny it! ^_^

"[...] From Sterne to Lawrence, novelists developed more or less elaborate strategies to distance themselves from their desires, because they knew that to acknowledge such desires amounted to confessing their sins, a confession which inevitably would have put them in an inferior position towards their reader. Yet, these strategies—poetic games, suspense, enunciative breaks, erotic descriptions—which intensely eroticize the text and arouse the reader, are also intended to make him feel guilty for indulging himself so crudely. The author can indulge his desires freely only to the extent that he can manage to seduce his reader and generate strong desires in him, so that his own desires will appear only in their poetic garb.

"This law of desire, probably more peremptory in novels than in plays [...] compels novelists to experiment with different modes of discourse about sex; only the first one, the pornographic, openly displayed the author’s desire to spin out erotic fantasies for his own benefit, to arouse erotic reactions in the reader, to challenge a society which is bound to censor works that openly try to undermine its moral and even political foundations. The other modes, though they produce erotic effects often more powerful than in the case of so-called pornographic literature, do not apparently seek first and foremost to generate them but rather to exculpate the author for the guilty thoughts and desires he entertains. Laughter, irony and didacticism constitute efficient strategies allowing the author to dissemble his desires, the lascivious effect being as it were a mere by-product rather than the chief goal of the text."

Monday, January 1, 2001
12:47 a.m.

Omedetou ^_^

...I mean, I forget what you're supposed to say *exactly*, but that's the idea non? Happy New Year and all that. I'm at a party *sans* my same-age friends but with quite a lot of high calibre liquor, including the sparkling Napa rosé I'm sipping as I write this. (Thought: all my entries seem to involve yaoi, books and/or booze. ^^; Perhaps I should just become an alcoholic pulp-romance litterateur and save myself the misery of struggling against fate.) These are my parents' friends, lovely people I've known for absolute eons, and I should be remiss indeed if I don't manage to set a fanfic in their condo. I think I'll work it into my next story, though I'd have to transplant it to a different country. This place... you'd have to see to believe. ^_^

You're getting a story soon! I hardly believe it myself, but there it is. The terror of withdrawal is a great motivator, and I read so fast that I *will* run out if I don't start refining my own crack uhh I mean write my own Weissfic. I don't promise much, mind you. The only other thing on my site that I wrote over the course of such a short period is "Troisième Ange," and subtlety is something it takes time for me to work up to. Besides which - you know - an author is a witch. These little 10-pagers are like charms. ^_^ One can either cast a cantrip to provoke thought in the reader or to make said reader stick her hand down her pants, but it's difficult to aim for both. I dunno about you, but I find that polished language gets in the way of a sexy PWP. Like it's too lacquered to be really hot, or something. Erotica is one area where it's much better to be a gut writer than a head writer. I read an erotic anthology full of head writers recently, and it was a *royal* bore. Royal!

(I am, of course, a head writer. Except when I get this desperate. ^^;)

Friday, December 29, 2000
12:58 a.m.

Sabina Redux

Yeah, I'm not dead. It's just that Weiss, or perhaps more accurately Schwartz, is taking me over to an extent that's becoming ridiculous. I've written several pages of a story I hadn't even remotely considered two weeks ago, and since I'm unused to working in the flush of enthusiasm, my critical sense is even more shot than usual. Not to mention that editing NC17 is 'hazukashi-sugi'... one of these days I'll have to figure out what I have against writing sex in a _bed_, for cripes' sake.

1/4-space-type news on my video games: FF9 is great fun, and if I could get the ATB moving at a pace any faster than congealing molasses it'd be perfect. Zidane is such an adorable pet. It's a pity the world is set up as to preclude _all_ idea of yaoi (any penchant for furry that I might have doesn't extend to Richard Scarry anthropomorphism, no).

I just played through the Wutai sidequest in FF7 again. As my sister says: "Schwartz is cool; the Turks are cool. Why do the bad guys get all the good lines?" Out of the mouths of babes.

Friday, December 22, 2000
04:12 a.m.

Holiday jottings

I have just spent a few hours reading Davies, aided and abetted by a few centimeters of Bristol Cream, and I think I'm going to become tiresome in my adulation for this author very soon. I'd swear "What's Bred In The Bone" is written for a creature like myself, because what good does an adolescence of staring at Bronzinos and Holbeins to a child of the 90's if not to read books such as this? But one has to start with "The Rebel Angels." Oh, the professors! Oh, the biology jokes! It is just as well by one's coming-of-age (twenty in the Japanese reckoning, the only time in a modern co-ed's life she feels herself obliged to doll up in a kimono) to realize that certain books are a far greater pleasure than most sex ever has a claim to be. North America places sex on too high a pedestal; I like it well but I'm too Chinese (which is sometimes like being Jewish and sometimes like being French) not to think that food should come first, and certainly too you-know-what-minded not to think that the Muses should take pride of place as well. Davies' book is not really about this, but for some reason it left me enunciating this suddenly clear idea to myself. Good books as good as good sex. You're going to hear me declaim it loud and proud, I suspect.

The old sly Scot has me half convinced of what the smart set nowadays will call Synchronicity, but which *he* if anything calls the Daimon of Destiny. I come away from a book that is among other things a gorgeous exploration of fraud in artistic circles, to find that... well, I won my category in the Aesthe Fiction Contest, by a single point over the story that *I*'d pegged as the winner. Said runner-up story also won Overall, in a stunning examplar of Cannes-esque judging. I'm happy I won, and happier than you'd think that my critical judgment was validated in the same stroke. Sa-chan is weird-ass that way. Now I'm kinda hoping that they forget to give me the prize, for reasons I'm far too practical to reveal in a public forum. ^^; No, not plagiarism, whaddya take me for? But a whiff of the Mercurial all the same.

Sunday, December 17, 2000
03:52 a.m.

Tonikaku, a recommendation

I kind of feel obliged to add this... The day before yesterday Tan-chan sent me 200k worth of Weissfic in a .zip file that turned out to have the same spacey effect on me as it did on her: read for 3 hours -> draw fanart -> read for 3 more hours. So I begged the archival link from her, for the edification of my visitors.

Psychodelic Asylum: http://www.icefloe.com/asylum/main.htm

The fic itself is by one Jean D., called (globally) "Dysfunctional Series" - which is as much truth in advertising as you're likely to see in your life. ^_^ I *can't* use the word 'trashy' to describe it, because the negative connotations of that word don't convey the fic's inherent brilliance. ...You've all encountered fic writers who hijack a series and turn it into a personal ego trip; this writer hijacked a series and turned it into a personal *id* trip. I keep on saying this about novels or fics nowadays, but the energy of her vision overrode whatever faults there are in her writing (and they were myriad at first). I like her fic simply because WK itself had the potential to be something very like it, if it hadn't copped out on most of the hard, interesting issues it raised. Well, yet another reason to like the fanfiction better than the show itself. Weiss isn't one of my favorites... ^^;

(Nota Bene. If it isn't apparent from the above, this fic should carry warnings for graphic sex, even more graphic violence, implied shota, blow-your-mind pairings and *lack* of angst in the Reservoir Dogs sense. It doesn't carry'em; I suspect because the site maintainer doesn't believe in'em, all power to her. I have EXTREMELY little patience for so-called "squicks". The way I see it, one should note down with interest what squicks one, in order that one may analyze it later for possible self-revelation. Then one should work very hard on *getting over it* so one can read the story for its merits. ^_^ One should definitely not be so brain-dead as to actually whine that one was tricked into reading a Death Fic or an Incest Fic or a Shota Fic by the lack of warnings. Dear gods, we should all be grateful some of these stories still get emotional rises out of us, or we'd all be sitting at our computer screens jaded and clicking about. "Yet more hot sex with boys... again...")

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