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09/07/01 - 15/07/01
01/07/01 - 07/07/01
21/06/01 - 30/06/01
19/05/01 - 19/06/01
22/02/01 - 17/05/01
17/12/00 - 14/02/01
07/11/00 - 16/12/00

 Other Blogs

basic black (Priya)
bishounenink [ Joy | Tenshi ]
handbasket (Talya)
joliefolie (Lu-chan)
ourobouros (Charmian)
signal 11 (Erin)
somatic (Soma)
teaparty (Sarah)
velvetpaws (Firecat)

Last watched :: "Jiang Hu: The Triad Zone", "A War Named Desire"

Currently listening :: what I call my Farfie-dance-mix (the technical term is prolly something like 'industrial goth techno', but I'm no good at technical terms)

Currently playing :: gack...

Currently reading :: Swinburne, Count Caine (Kafka)

 Song :: Tank! ~Para Para Mix~ [ lyrics ] [ download ]
 Artist :: Yoko Kanno and the Seatbelts
 Genre :: DDR-on-manic-style dance
 Comments :: Rare MP3 alert. ^_^ Kickass version of the Cowboy Bebop OP I personally trimmed out of the Para Para Anime 2 nonstop dance remix. (Have to figure out how to do the same for the hi-NRG version of "Velvet Underworld"...)

Song :: Tomber (Drop) [ lyrics ] [ download ]
Artist :: Lili Fatale
Genre :: '60s-cool (that darned surf guitar :P)
Comments :: Download this song if you download no other - it's a St.Tropez vacation on its own. *With* a young and sunkissed Brigitte Bardot.
I'm trying to get people to buy this CD: www.lilifatale.com


Monday, July 23, 2001
05:10 a.m.

Out of a peculiar sense of duty

Upsurge of blog-hatred. Layout-loathing. One of those days when the images *will* not fall into place. I don't think I've ever let NnY go so long without a layout change, but when there's no un-cosmetic update on the horizon...? I spent most of the last two days writing (my sleep schedule has been doing some bitterly amusing things as well, but never mind that). Some of what I've produced is truly awful; or maybe it isn't, and my perception is just overly distorted. I hate it when I get too wrapped up in my own style, because it becomes stifling. Every word looks like a cliché. Clichés of phraseology, of vocabulary, of punctuation, characterization, clichés of the mind, clichés of the heart... I am a prose stylist. Well, I'm no Nabokov or Amis, so let's make that a wannabe prose stylist - someone to whom a graceful idea expressed clumsily is an absurdity and an insult. The clichés in my own writing (and oh the line separating them from benign stylistic markers is so fine, so very fine) distress me to the point of physical pain. I *abhor* having to use the same descriptive terms twice, for one thing, but that squeamishness is only tenable if one's short story is less than fifteen pages long. One begins to run out of words at around the same time one's fiction begins to come under the appellation of 'novella'. How do novelists do it? I'm no Buddy Glass, but if I have to write another meaningful 'glance' or 'smile' I believe I *will* start screaming from sheer molten frustration. The cherry upon the milk-white froth of my troubles is my self-defeating tendency - when feeling particularly harassed - to dive into the 'net and dig until I find someone *else's* Schwartzfic, read it, then a) prohibit myself from taking the same path if it's good or b) pressure myself to do better if it's bad. What I *should* do is take a break and write something else, but I'm not capable of it. I don't want to *lose*.

It's only twenty pages at size 10 font. Why am I such a wimp?

And just to put it all in perspective, I spent a couple of hours today scrubbing mildew off unnamable bathroom surfaces with a toothbrush dipped in acid. Also my scanner is broken, or I'd do a weblog layout with something dank and anxiety-inducing. A Max Klinger print from the On Death series, or Beardsley. Preferably with misshapen dwarves and witch-women and giant phalli. Beardsley on a bad TB day suits my mood to a tee.

Saturday, July 21, 2001
06:50 a.m.

New layout... ^_^

No, it's not up. Kekkai hosts my images, and kekkai (for ISP reasons?) is down. I do think it's pretty... but don't bother trying to guess which anime it is, because it isn't. Shioul-types are welcome to take a stab in the dark, though. ^_^

Watched a couple of *very* cool Triad movies last night, just in time to give a bit of choreographic zing to the shootouts in tBD. Reviews will have to wait a little, though.

Friday, July 20, 2001
06:34 a.m.


No. Untrue. Tseng and Rufus aren't friends in "Dawn". But then again I don't know what it is about that story - somewhere along the way it turned into a exposé of fate as embodied in one Sephiroth, and everything else had to be shaped to that particular wireframe. Given, too, that I started it with some obscure idea of punishing Rufus for killing me by making him the uke... it's *a* good characterization, just not *my* characterization somehow. ^^; And I don't know how Rude ended up talking so bloody much either. At least Reno's pretty much on target.

I have a Final Fantasy VIII skin for Solitaire. Where did this come from again?...

Friday, July 20, 2001
06:02 a.m.

Just before bed

Three more pages tonight, and it's like I haven't moved forward at all. ;_; Damned story is longer than the extant text of Demi 2 now, and I'm on part FOUR of that! @_@ Shinchau... I can't believe I was such a wuss as to think "Maidens In The Mirror" was long to write, which I did at the time.

Here's the saddest part of it all: the sex is easy. The plot is easy. The *dialogue* is tough. O_o My protagonists are smart, ruthless and have missions to accomplish that involve wringing information from each other. About 75% of the time they're trying to trip the other up; the other 25% is comprised of sexual innuendo. It's driving me nuts. What I hate even more is the fact that they don't *like* each other. CxS is the only pairing I've ever written who don't start off friends to some extent. I realise that's part of the appeal - VoT readers tell me so, anyway - but there's a part of me that wishes wretchedly that they'd stop being so *stupid* and admit to a certain emotional involvement. The rest of me wishes I'd arrived at a point in the story in which this is even an issue. -_-;

This has been your regularly scheduled fic author rant. Despite how it sounds, it's progressing - I'll have another scrap up on the blog, around the same time that I update the layout.

Friday, July 20, 2001
02:00 a.m.

I need a new layout! Wah! ;_;

'Mancy: ...And there's the fact that the Japanese write haiku in a single line as often as not anyway. ^^; (All I can think of now is bits of Tawara Machi, and she writes *tanka*. "Salad Anniversary" is one of my favorite books of poetry - I just need a proper Japanese version of it, pcq the baby Buddha would definitely take exception to reading haiku/tanka in traducio.) As for incest, my favorite series of all time are Utena and Angel Sanctuary. So, um, 'nuff said. ^^;

(I'm getting sloppy about blog replies...)

Charmian: I believe Tsuzuki actually dreams quite intensely about French desserts at one point in YamiEi. (#9 or 10 - whereupon Touda demonstrates love and devotion by kicking him awake. XD) I can't remember which ones; all my neurons are able to dredge up is that *Tatsumi* likes Guylian choco-shells, because I spent a month overdosing on the things in Shanghai. Damn my wretched brain. They're very good, BTW. Belgian.

In other news, it was my friend David's b-day tonight. (The axis consists of David, Wasim and me, and sounds like the beginning of a convoluted ethnic joke: a Jew, an Arab and a Chink met each other in a Japanese language class...) We have this thing wherein we take the birthday person out to celebrate, the two others splitting the cost of gift and dinner and post-dinner karaoke. So I did some chanson tonight, and realized that most of the ones I can handle are Not Quite Songfics. Imai Miki's "Piece of my Wish"? That's the Legend of Galactic Heros video clip I don't have the raw material to make. Ozaki Yutaka's "I Love You"? Wolfwood stomped up and claimed that one bright day and I can't pry it out of his fingers. Faye Wong's "Flowers on the Opposite Shore" is the roll-end-credits song on tBD - and her "Human World" is Julia's last single but of course, the one she wrote for Rinoa, the one she performed only once in public, just before the car crash...

Feelings don't always have a beginning and an end
The edge of loneliness isn't always frightening
But in this life you can't avoid
That very first time of hurt

I hope that smiles will be
All that you'll ever see
I hope that every tear you let fall
Will move somebody's heart
I hope that no dream of yours
Will come to nothingness

If this world of ours
Is worth singing about at all
It's only because you're here
That it's such a lively place
The world is so large
It's more confusing than you think
I don't have the heart to hide it from you
I just hope you understand

I have the habit of thinking of Faye Wong as Julia's seiyuu, so when I listen to this song I cry. (Now I sound like an idiot, but still. If you don't feel it yourself, I'm dashed if I know how you're supposed to make others feel it. Mais laissons.)

There are also, of course, Songfics That Will Never Be Written For The Good Of Mankind floating about in my brain - the best example being La Aguilera's "Genie In A Bottle", which wants to be YoujixAya. This screams poor taste on several levels, and I should hope it isn't mine. ^^;

Off to hack some more on tBD. *Re-reads* Bloody hell, I wish I could write faster. I'm stuck looping J.Lo to get myself through the sex scenes. [Vague RGV Spoilers] And *there* would be a question I forgot to ask the relevant AMLA-ites - why is all your TaixAsh BIZARRE? (Yes, I know, it was a bizarre relationship in and of itself, but never mind. As David the now-experienced CLAMP fanboy pointed out astutely tonight, "He's hugging him. And killing him. I've seen this before.") And has anyone written Kendappa-ohxSohma at all, or will I have to whack the entire CLAMP yuri fandom with a large stick? >_< There *is* more out there than Tomoyo, believe it or not...

Wednesday, July 18, 2001
06:07 p.m.

Publish, damned log, publish >_<

(Pitas had database problems all last night, the wretched thing. I'm in the process of registering for courses, and so far it looks as if Tuesdays/Thursdays are going to be murderous. *Do* I want to get up for an 8:30 computer graphics class?)

The sjcon stories, I have decided, can wait until my pictures are developed. I'd rather you *see* the demmed Trigun cosplay, although I suppose I'll have to describe the reaction of fangirl-tachi to the infamous VashxWolfwood liplock at the contest, given the no-flash policy. XD (Sure sign that I'm turning into my father... Sunday morning I toddled back to the dealer room to make good on my connections - Aesthe had awarded me 30$ worth of dj for "Dawn" that I'd never claimed, and Umbrella Studios gave me a pretty silver-haired samurai who deserves his own story - but more important than that I wanted a photo with Jeanne. ^^; It should have been the AMLA party, really, just as it should have been everyone at D and Arielle's, but I forget once I start talking. And she was amused and a bit stricken - several people were when I asked for photos over the weekend, now that I think on't XD - but one is Asian and one takes commemorative photographs with people one can't help but think of as one's sempai, and that's that. ^^;)

First report from FantAsia. Watched "Swordsman II" and "S&M" last night. The former is a Jet Li movie you've probably already seen; it's the one in which Brigitte Lin plays the evil cult leader who does killer embroidery. (Male. Sort of. The premise of the story runs certain martial arts techniques do progressively wacky things to one's gender identity. ^^;) The second is a documentary about Konuma Masaru, a director of "roman-porno" artsy-soft-core films at Nikkatsu Studios during the '70s and '80s. That's artsy-soft-core in the Japanese sense, of course: featuring say a schoolgirl deflowered by a trio of old war vets who leave dentures behind in her pubes, or a woman tied up naked and shut in a box which is then placed on skis and sent careening down a snowy cliff ("Sayonara, okusan!" XD). There was some ehh startlement among my friends, but I mostly laughed a lot and appreciated the pretty shots, of which there were surprisingly many. I was reminded afterward of a Kawabata novel called "Les Belles endormies" (err... "House of Sleeping Beauties", I think?), that I read in a gorgeous French limited edition all done up with linen paper and ink washes and ribbons. (One of my father's friends collects rare erotica - a Frenchman, as if there could be any doubt. ^^;) I never included it in my list of favorites/influentials... I wonder why?

They played a short before "Swordsman II" called "A Zen Tale", which I would like to transcribe here when I have the time.

Monday, July 16, 2001
11:22 p.m.

So you all came by to visit...?

Because you know I'm supposed to be back on Monday...? ^^; I think the Shoujocon trip has broken my weblogging streak. I met so many people and attended so many events that I can't log them all, and it's difficult even to pick out the "important stuff". You'll be hearing about the fall-out in bits and pieces for a while, I suspect. It's my first convention, after all... and I have an astounding lack of negatives to report. :) I ate very little and very badly, but despite running on fangirl adrenalin and Pocky-induced sugar high for 48 hours I didn't make too much of a fool of myself. (Not too much. I was a total consumerist bubblehead at the Aesthe table on Sat. morning and giggly at the AMLA party that night to boot, but AMLA is comprised of sempai-tachi. I'll probably always feel like a little girl on that ML. ^^;) Being moi, I lost my money, my camera, my ID etc. repeatedly, and retrieved it each time from con or hotel staffers. Points to them, not to me. XD Met Shioul-ites, met D and 'Mancy-tachi, met - oh - Umbrella Studios; stalked fanfic writers and cosplayers with camera in hand; annoyed dozens of people by skipping in and out and in and out of various discussion panels; struck up the most obscurely demented conversations with utter strangers; watched *lots* of anime. ^_^ Now I can return to Shioul with some actual new opinions. (Opinions that run along the line of "Ageha and Kaoru-no-Kimi rule", given, but it's early yet for subtlety. XD)

(My mother is browsing through my new Nigoshi Toshimi Trigun anthology. She doesn't seem to realize she's looking at a sex scene, though. ^_^;;;;;)

Water Drop Fairy Sakura


name :: Sabina

age :: hatachi ^_^

appearence :: [ natsuyasumi ]

sibling :: [ imouto-chan ]

domicile :: Montreal, where it snows in April, 16-yr-olds barhop and large bookstores carry manga in French

birthplace :: Shanghai, the city where they'd do anything (as opposed to Beijing where they'd say anything, and Canton where they'd eat anything ^.~)

alma mater :: McGill University

occupation :: RPG storyboarding, unpaid coding, website tweaking

indulgence :: novels, manga and anime, fanfiction written and read, MP3s, sleeping at odd hours, alcohol, mooching food, cooking

sign :: Pisces ascendant Venus + Metal Rooster = nasty chimera critter

keirsey :: iNTp (Engineer)

colour :: on me, lilac, violet, forest green and black; on others, whatever brings out the shade of their eyes and the highlights in their hair ^_^

perfume :: citrus / fruity floral (ex. Yves Rocher Orchidée)

flower :: intense, fragrant and seasonal (apple, lilac, magnolia, peony)

jewelry :: silver anklet

gem :: amethyst (birthstone), opal, moonstone, cat's-eye agate

season :: summer

animal :: Felis domesticus (a terrible misnomer). I live to be happily downtrodden by that privileged species :p

voted (by guy-pals) :: Washu

voted (by gal-pals) :: Crawford

anime series :: Berserk, CCD, CCS, Cowboy Bebop, Esca, GW, LoGH, RK, Slayers, SKU, Trigun

manga series :: AS, Five Star Stories, FY, Mugen no Juunin, Slam Dunk, X, YamiEi, YYH, Z/B

ficcing series :: AS(?), FY, GW, Trigun(?), WK, YYH, Z/B

music :: Bran Van 3000, Nick Cave, Cibo Matto, Leonard Cohen, DEEN, Melissa Etheridge, Fantastic Plastic Machine, Gackt, Garbage, Globe, Guniw Tools, Oliver Haze, Kanno Yoko, Laruku, Gigi Leung, Lili Fatale, Sarah McLachlan, S.E.S., the Tea Party, Teresa Teng, Two-Mix, Uematsu Nobuo, Utada Hikaru, Faye Wong, the Yellow Monkey and various singles 'n' soundtracks

books :: [ partial list ]

non-alcoholic :: bubble tea, Coca-Cola Classic, Brio (viva Italia!), hazelnut coffee, peach Snapple, chai latte, pink grapefruit juice, green tea absolutely anything

alcoholic :: rum-and-Coke, gin-and-tonic, Irish cream, dark sherry, warm sake, Alsacian rosé, Hungarian white, gold tequila, merlot, cassis in sparkling wine

happy :: to know that one is living a moment of intense perfection; the sensation of drowning in beauty. Also, getting a favorable blurb on your work from a writer you yourself respect *^_^*

sad :: that time is slipping through my fingers, that there is nothing I can do to stop it - and that perhaps it is my fault


ICQ :: 67820805

AIM :: WingPetronia


Yes, it's Card Captor Sakura. Yes, "Water Drop" is an Ali Project song. Yes, I am being very cute and pastel and cherry-sundae girly this summer. It frightens people.

I put my favorite drinks in the profile, because I'm always talking about them anyway. ^^;